Another repost from the filming of OCTOBER BABY on Tuesday, August 31, 2010.
The sky is gray and the wind is cool and I can't complain. Call time isn't until 5pm tonight for me so I have some time to write. Everyone's out eating lunch or running errands and while I should be learning lines right now, I feel the urge to tell a story. I'm just like an amnesiac trying to get my senses back.
The scene we filmed yesterday was so unnaturally draining that when I finally got back to the production house, I found myself stumbling around the house as if drunk, desperate for a place to lay my head and sleep. I can't explain the exhaustion that comes with work on an emotional scene take after take after take. Andy's exact words were that I needed to appear "deflated and defeated." The problem was, it took a good nights sleep to find the air in my lungs again. After a swim and a hearty breakfast this morning, I feel much better.
Hannah (me) gained information about her biological mother's birthplace and went to find her. After a dry and nerve racking conversation with the receptionist to point her in the right direction, Hannah wanders through the hallways of the law office looking in both excitement and terror for the name tag that is her mother's. (I imagine if there is a soundtrack for that scene, the song would be laced with a calm and melodic beginning, accompanied with an easy build up in the chorus, (maybe a banjo and a cello) and finished in a subtle but moody minor key with no resolve. Music is so important for a scene like this.)
When she finally finds the right office, she pauses, takes a deep breath, and steps in only to find an empty office plastered in family photos and framed law certifications. Moments after she quietly surveys every detail of the room, her mother walks in.
I won't ruin the film for you, but I will say that the events following this moment are devastating.
Hannah snaps up and looks for the first tim into the eyes of her biological mother, who bares enough of a striking resemblance to her that even the audience will believe it's real, at least 20 times and hears the words, "I don't know what you are referring to... where you got your information from is wrong and I cannot help you. I'm sorry." In the movie, you will only see this happen once. But for me, I had to hear it 20 times. And I had to believe it with my face 20 times.
Then, everything turned to single-celled sadness.
My prayer is that I stay separate from who Hannah is. What a journey so far, though...
"I can't see the future but I know it's got big plans for me."
What do you see?